Compliments are Crucial
Why is giving compliments so difficult sometimes? How many times have you been in a situation when you have thought of a nice thing you should have said, but SOMETHING was holding you back from actually saying it?! I know it is important to tell people positive things, especially when you are passionate about empowering other women, but this has been a HUGE struggle for me in my own life and doesn't come "easy" to me.
You are probably wondering WHY???
Well first, let's talk about women in a general when it comes to giving each other compliments. Not all women, but I think a lot of women who have insecurities find it uncomfortable to give compliments to other women. It can be difficult when you are not feeling great to tell someone else how beautiful they are. Or if you aren't happy with your own situation to tell someone "Congrats, you deserve it!" BUT the women whom I have met who are the Best Leaders are great at giving compliments! Confident, strong women who love making others feel good about themselves are professionals at giving genuine heartfelt compliments! And I admire and respect that so much and I have made it a personal goal to become better at verbalizing the compliments that I am thinking or feeling about someone else!
From my own experience, I have had a difficult time deciphering when other women were being genuine when giving a compliment. Tone of voice is everything, so when that is just a little bit "off," our intuition as women is to believe it is unauthentic. I do not trust people easily and it is sad that we all have to experience this kind of manipulation! The compliment itself can be genuine, but the intention in saying it can also be unauthentic. Many of you can relate to this (especially women) from men or women. I've personally had other women give me compliments right before they try to sell me something as a way to butter me up. Well it doesn't work and creates distrust. So this is PROBLEM #1 when it comes to giving compliments. I never want to use compliments in this way OR want people to think they are not genuine.
Another reason why I have struggled with giving compliments on a more personal level is because I received a lot of constructive criticism most of my life. Being a competitive dancer for 15 years was a wonderful experience and trained me to be disciplined and pushed me to work hard to achieve goals. Although it was full of positives for my work ethic, the constructive feedback outweighed the positive feedback at times. After dancing, came competing in fitness competitions which is also full of constructive feedback and a competitive atmosphere. All of this "striving for perfection," can make it difficult to even accept compliments when they are given to you because you have been so focused on the flaws. I had been so hard on myself for all of these years, that I became like that towards others too without realizing it!
When I started personal training other people I finally realized that most people need to this positive feedback to stay motivated and give them confidence to keep going! It was crucial that I developed my skill to "give compliments" if I was going to be a coach. I needed to start giving the compliments that I had been craving all of those years in order to grow and break the cycle.
Now as an entrepreneur and a leader of my own business, I have improved my skills to give compliments but it's still not something that comes naturally to me. Again, it's not that the "nice" thoughts aren't in my mind it is just hard for me to always verbalize them! Thankfully I have met other amazing entrepreneurial women who are so kind and confident and have shown me how they practice positive support and feedback with other women. I love connecting with these kind of women. I will admit I didn't really think these women were "real" before because I didn't get it. The problem was not them, it was ME! I didn't have the confidence to deliver compliments in a way that I felt comfortable and it took some courage to open up and make myself vulnerable in that way! Even though sometimes it can feel a little uncomfortable for me, I'm getting much better at voicing to others when I honestly think they look beautiful or have great ideas! And it feels good to make someone else smile and give them a boost of confidence.
I hope you enjoyed today's topic. This little "habit" has really helped me grow as a woman and entrepreneur. Being a good coach or leader means to guide others with both constructive and positive feedback and knowing that every person responds to feedback a bit differently. I challenge you to give a compliment to every person you talk to this week! Let's all start seeing the good in each other just a little more!
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| IG: @kbiddi & @swole.sweetie Photo by: @jessthesnapper Jessi McConnell |
You are probably wondering WHY???
Well first, let's talk about women in a general when it comes to giving each other compliments. Not all women, but I think a lot of women who have insecurities find it uncomfortable to give compliments to other women. It can be difficult when you are not feeling great to tell someone else how beautiful they are. Or if you aren't happy with your own situation to tell someone "Congrats, you deserve it!" BUT the women whom I have met who are the Best Leaders are great at giving compliments! Confident, strong women who love making others feel good about themselves are professionals at giving genuine heartfelt compliments! And I admire and respect that so much and I have made it a personal goal to become better at verbalizing the compliments that I am thinking or feeling about someone else!
From my own experience, I have had a difficult time deciphering when other women were being genuine when giving a compliment. Tone of voice is everything, so when that is just a little bit "off," our intuition as women is to believe it is unauthentic. I do not trust people easily and it is sad that we all have to experience this kind of manipulation! The compliment itself can be genuine, but the intention in saying it can also be unauthentic. Many of you can relate to this (especially women) from men or women. I've personally had other women give me compliments right before they try to sell me something as a way to butter me up. Well it doesn't work and creates distrust. So this is PROBLEM #1 when it comes to giving compliments. I never want to use compliments in this way OR want people to think they are not genuine.
Another reason why I have struggled with giving compliments on a more personal level is because I received a lot of constructive criticism most of my life. Being a competitive dancer for 15 years was a wonderful experience and trained me to be disciplined and pushed me to work hard to achieve goals. Although it was full of positives for my work ethic, the constructive feedback outweighed the positive feedback at times. After dancing, came competing in fitness competitions which is also full of constructive feedback and a competitive atmosphere. All of this "striving for perfection," can make it difficult to even accept compliments when they are given to you because you have been so focused on the flaws. I had been so hard on myself for all of these years, that I became like that towards others too without realizing it!
When I started personal training other people I finally realized that most people need to this positive feedback to stay motivated and give them confidence to keep going! It was crucial that I developed my skill to "give compliments" if I was going to be a coach. I needed to start giving the compliments that I had been craving all of those years in order to grow and break the cycle.
Now as an entrepreneur and a leader of my own business, I have improved my skills to give compliments but it's still not something that comes naturally to me. Again, it's not that the "nice" thoughts aren't in my mind it is just hard for me to always verbalize them! Thankfully I have met other amazing entrepreneurial women who are so kind and confident and have shown me how they practice positive support and feedback with other women. I love connecting with these kind of women. I will admit I didn't really think these women were "real" before because I didn't get it. The problem was not them, it was ME! I didn't have the confidence to deliver compliments in a way that I felt comfortable and it took some courage to open up and make myself vulnerable in that way! Even though sometimes it can feel a little uncomfortable for me, I'm getting much better at voicing to others when I honestly think they look beautiful or have great ideas! And it feels good to make someone else smile and give them a boost of confidence.
I hope you enjoyed today's topic. This little "habit" has really helped me grow as a woman and entrepreneur. Being a good coach or leader means to guide others with both constructive and positive feedback and knowing that every person responds to feedback a bit differently. I challenge you to give a compliment to every person you talk to this week! Let's all start seeing the good in each other just a little more!
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